Anyway, you may have noticed the lack of updates happening here at The Chad Lockwood Chapel of Love, but it's not the usual reason (lack of commitment, writer's block, leprosy...).
The truth is... I have emerged from the cocoon that is The Chad Lockwood Detective Agency as a fully-formed domain owner, on which I have continued my assault on the english language.
In short, all this and more is now over at actualchad.com
Please come and check it out. If you've missed my rantings, you'll be pleased to know I have continued to rant over there without missing a beat. Screw those fricking beat-missers!
This design is a mashup of The Haunted Mansion and The Haunted Mansion.
There's two fun images from The Haunted Mansion. One is the Hitchhiking Ghosts that attempt to accompany you home at the end of the ride. One of these three ghosts then appear in your Doombuggy as you approach the exit of the ride.
The other image comes from the other end of the attraction. When you first enter the spooky colonial facade, you come to stand in The Stretching Room, which contains four portraits that, while seemingly bland on entry, unroll with the stretching walls, to display more somewhat morbid fare.
The Quicksand Three are second from the right.
The stretching portraits are some of my favourite little touches in The Haunted Mansion, along with the moving busts and the creepy scary wallpaper.
This design is available on redbubble, for tshirts, prints, cards and stickers.
I understand that it's a serious topic, but maybe a less serious logo might be a nice idea?
And in addition to being an ugly, scary, creepy logo, I can't help but think that's an umbilical cord trailing out of the Ethiopian kid and into Robot Mother Nutrients Unit 3000.
There are several reasons why I never became a stand-up comedian.
Firstly, I get anxiety attacks from being on a train, let alone being on stage.
Secondly, I'm not personally funny. I think I'm funny secondhandedly. I can write a mean joke, but when it comes to delivery, I find it best to leave it to professionals. Or even class clowns. Or anyone who likes the attention. I'm more of a joke feeder, than a joke teller.
Thirdly, I'm too much of a homebody to go out every night checking out the talent and honing my skills. I get home and all I want to do is be with my girls. That could also be referred to as lazy.
Fourthly, I don't like to repeat myself.
I doubt any comedian wants people to think they are just repeating material endlessly, whether they're doing a tight five at a Comedy Club, warming an TV audience or recording a DVD in front of a concert hall of fans. But that's what they do. It's their job, like mine is repeatedly designing ads and brochures and whatnot, with the same tricks each time (hello Drop Shadow, welcome back Linear Gradient, go fuck yourself Starburst...). The problem is that there's always gonna be that person who has already seen you perform that joke, and so the second time it might grate a bit, and by the sixth time it's gonna go down like a lead balloon.
Fifthly, I don't like to repeat myself.
But it seems a shame to produce something once and not use it elsewhere, even if there is a chance that people would have already seen it previously. If the professionals can do it, why can't I?
And if I'm gonna steal from anyone, why not myself?
So I've decided to start posting things from the Chad Lockwood archives.
Because they make me laugh.
And because it's a shame for them to never again see the light of day.
And because it's good to have them all in one place.
Anyone who hasn't had a chance to listen, Hollywood Babble-On is a podcast with Kevin Smith and Ralph Garman, and it is piss-funny.
If you like Hollywood Babble-On, Kevin Smith, Ralph Garman, KFC, or even just a big fan of archetypal Southern Grandfatherly Multinational Figureheads, grab a shirt or sticker from redbubble.
